


Despair

by Nellancholy



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: A bit of gore, Angst, Based on a True Story, Depression, Gen, Mentions of Blood, No happy ending here, Self Harm, i just had to get this off my sick desperate chest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 10:02:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9486341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nellancholy/pseuds/Nellancholy
Summary: Sakura cuts herself. Or at least,the aftermath of such.





	

Sakura lifted her arm close to her face,admiring the work she’d done on her own arm. Neat,drippy parallel cuts ran up the length of her left forearm,created by the (only slightly) bloodstained tanto she gripped in her right hand. She wanted to get a good look at the results before she erased them. Self-mutilation tended to be...simple and clean,when one specialised in healing magic.

She placed down the tanto and picked up her stave,hovering it above her arm and letting up a sharp gasp as the wounds closed up,leaving no trace except some drying blood on her skin. These kinds of wounds tended to sting,at most. Nothing like the wounds she’d sustained in battle before. But for her purposes,”sting” was quite enough.

Moving her right hand again,she brought over the basin of warm water that she’d prepared beforehand,with a dry cloth folded over the brim. She wiped off the tanto first,before wetting the cloth and cleaning her arm off,then dropping the cloth back into the basin to soak.

Now that she was all cleaned off,she picked up the tanto again,playing idly with it between her fingers. She didn’t even want to think about the noise Hana and Subaki would raise if they saw her like this. It was already the eve of Xander and Hinoka’s wedding,and here she was,sobbing like some heartbroken maiden as she bled herself like a farm chicken.

They’d both been at each other’s throats (sometimes literally) for so long. Sakura was often the one that had to patch them both up. And now that they were at peace...they practically couldn’t keep their eyes off each other!

What did Hinoka have that she didn’t? Other than confidence,assertiveness,an actual ability to lead Hoshido...not to mention the firm,lithe physique of a woman you might actually want to take to bed with you.

Sakura felt another bitter sob coming. When she put it that way,how could Xander not be attracted to Hinoka? Strong Xander. Brave Xander. Stern-but-compassionate Xander. Probably-a-total-beast-in-bed Xander. She supposed they were meant for each other after all.

Poor Sakura. Soft Sakura. Weak,timid Sakura. Fated-to-spend-her-life-alone Sakura.

A voice whispered in her head. “Someone who really loved another person...would do anything for that love.” Her grip tightened on the hilt of the tanto.

She moved it to her obi,as though she was about to dash to wherever Hinoka was right now and do everything in her power (which wasn’t much) to slide it straight into her throat. Then she drew it back,poised against her belly,as though she was instead about to end herself. The image of both her intestines and her despair spilling out of her gave her a brief smile.

Finally,she swung her arm out and gave the hardwood floor a furious stab,burying the tanto an inch deep into it. Tears came once again as she sobbed and wailed into the palms of her hands,curling up into a tight ball.

It was true. It was all true. She was weak,cowardly,impotent. She didn’t deserve a single good,happy thing happening to her. She couldn’t find the strength even to hurt herself. She was going to live out her days,in emptiness and solitude,and the sooner she got used to that,the better.

After a few minutes of this,or maybe even an hour,she sat up straight again,sniffling and wiping her face off. Silently,she gathered up her things and put them away. Wouldn’t do to have anyone see them.

She fell back onto her bed,closing her eyes and falling soon into a deep,dreamless sleep. Tomorrow was the day she smiled and clapped as the last good thing in her life was taken away from her. She may as well wake up early.


End file.
